Gravy & Grief

It's been two years since our last Thanksgiving together. I expected last year to be hard but was surprised that this year was difficult too. Don't get me wrong, I have so much to be thankful for, especially this year, but there's a huge part of me that knows Thanksgiving will never be the same again. As much as I wanted to be happy all day and to celebrate, it was really hard to do that. I broke down halfway through the day and declared that I hated Thanksgiving and while that's not true at all, at the moment I definitely felt that way. 

So for right now, I'm going to accept that I am still deeply grieving on this Thanksgiving. There isn't enough food or tv shows to distract me from the reality that this is a new normal. Hopefully one day I'll have kids who will have cousins as cool as you that they'll make memories with and when they grow up, they'll give thanks for the many years of macaroni and cheese, brisket, and rolls that they fought over. They'll give thanks for bingo beans, beanbag baseball, and diner trips. They'll give thanks for late night drives, conversations about nothing, and countdowns to Thanksgivings home again. 

I'd give anything to have one more Thanksgiving with Phil, but I'm glad I stopped long enough for us to take this picture two Thanksgivings ago, which ended up being our last. Happy Thanksgiving Baby Cousin, I love you tons.