On behalf of May 20th, 2016 -
Our scripture for Youth Sunday, which is this coming Sunday, is Jeremiah 29:11-14 and our theme is, "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" I can't help but notice that Youth Sunday is incredibly close to Philip's birthday and is on the same day that he graduated high school.
This scripture is usually used for times such as these - transitions, new challenges, new adventures, times of uncertainty... Usually when we read it, we feel comforted, but what if those plans aren't always comfortable?
Phil, I never planned on celebrating your birthday without you. I never planned on burying you at 21 years old. I never planned on getting married without you there. I never planned on having children who would only know you by the stories we share. I never planned on sharing so many personal stories and feelings as a way to help all of us grieve. I never planned on visiting your grave as hanging out with you. I never planned seeing Mat and Regan grow up without you there. I never planned on any of those things, yet they are now reality.
No, things don't always go as planned even though we sometimes get that sense from verse 11. When those plans seemed shattered, we have to move beyond the hope of perfect plans and look at what's next: verses 12 and 13.
“Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
Over the past 16 months or so, I have learned the importance of those words. I have called upon God more than ever before and I know that God is there within every heartache, every tear, every moment of laughter, and especially within the silence. God is present and God is listening. I did not like this new plan. I STILL don't like this new plan but I've learned to accept that God is still working within this tragedy. Does this mean God planned for you to get in that accident? I truly don't believe so. However, I do believe that God can take the most broken pieces of our lives and craft them into something new. Through the cracks and shattered pieces, light still shines through. We see that every time someone posts on your Facebook wall, every time you have new flowers at your grave, every time we share stories about you, every time a team signs up for your soccer tournament, every time a rainbow peaks through the sky, and every time we're reminded of you after seeing someone in their dress blues.
This isn't something we will ever "get through." This is something that we will continue to deal with every single day. It's in those times that we have have seek God with all of our heart and to remember that the light will always shine, even if it's just a peak. We will call upon God and God will hear us - no matter how silent the whisper.
It may be your birthday, but you are the one giving the gifts. We could never give back all that you've shared and blessed us with during your short time here with us. I can't believe you would be 23 today and that this is the second birthday we will celebrate without you. Give us strength Phil. Help us to seek God in these moments of grief. More importantly, help us to seek God in these moments of remembering & celebration and to thank God over and over and over again until we are voiceless for the previous 21 birthdays we shared with you.
Happy Birthday, Philip! You are loved more than anyone will ever know.
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