My Dear Cousin,
I'm coming home this weekend and I'm very unsettled. Though Justin has met a good chunk of the family, it'll be his first time in LC and I want you to meet him (though given how we met, it's clear you already know him). I haven't been home since your funeral and to be honest, I'm struggling . I'm struggling because I never thought THIS would be how I would come home to you. By this time tomorrow, we will be so close to each other but further apart than I can ever grasp. It's been 7 months and I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I won't see you. Yet even so...
Yet even so, I WILL see you. When I'm showing Justin around, I'll show him where we went to school. I'll show him your old house where you grew up and even the house you lived in as a baby on Fox Run. I'll show him Cane's, KD's, and Darrell's. I'll show him the soccer fields and where you played little league. I'll show him Burton where I taught you to drive the MG. I'll show him every possible thing at home that will tell a piece of your story and finally, I'll take him to meet you. I'll sit on your bench and tell you everything I want you to know - even though I'm sure you already know it.
I keep coming back to the words of one of the songs we used for your funeral -
"Just remember this, I'm in a better place where soldiers live in peace and angels sing amazing grace."
I'm so grateful that you're in a better place but that doesn't make the grief any less real or numb. If anything, it makes it worse because I want you back here and I know that's selfish. It's selfish, but true - I don't want to come home to you this way.
You know, when we were kids we would put baking soda and water on bee stings and wasp stings and what not... but I don't think there is enough baking soda and water to numb this sting.
I'll see you at home tomorrow baby cous, I love you so incredibly much.
Love,
Your (self proclaimed) Favorite Cousin
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