I've been dreading this time of year since the end of January. Over the next month I will become all too aware of our "last's" - The last picture we took... The last time we saw each other... The last conversation... The last text message... And as much as try to not focus on them or move past them, I can't.
So, in an effort NOT to focus only on our "last's", I'd like to take a trip down memory lane to focus on some of our "first's."
Do you remember when you got your first iPod touch? You were actually the first person I knew to have one. On the first day you had it, you decided it was a good idea to go running with it. Mr. iPod didn't agree and cracked up when you suggested it. Literally. You completely shattered your screen and were stuck with it until death do you part.
Do you remember the first time you drove the MG? We decided to go to Sonic afterwards and you offered to buy my food as a sign of appreciation for teaching you to drive a stick. I think that was the moment I realized how much you were growing up & how kind you truly were.
Do you remember the first time we went to KD's and you ordered pretty much the entire breakfast menu? At like 11 pm? On my ticket? 😜
Do you remember the first time we revealed to the family that I actually did have a party animal side? Okay more like "slightly exciting declawed kitten" rather than "party animals"... You were about to go to New Orleans with your buddies for New Year's Eve and were getting lectured about being responsible and coherent while I was at your house. Finally your Grandpa said, "Philip, you need to spend more time with the preacher and learn from her! She doesn't do that stuff!" It took about half a second for us to crack up and another half before you sold me out! "Grandpa are you kidding!? Do you know how much Erin goes out!?" I'm still sorry for smacking you. It was instinct, I swear!
Do you remember the first "adult" conversation we had? You were supposed to come up to Fort Worth for Thanksgiving my junior year at TCU and then ride down with me for Thanksgiving... But then all hell broke loose in my life and I had to focus on some really crummy stuff at school which made it virtually impossible for you to come up. I felt terrible that you couldn't come and then felt terrible because of all the other stuff. When I finally got home for Thanksgiving I needed to see you so bad! It wasn't even just wanting to apologize - I needed your friendship to help get me out of a really dark place. The tables turned - you were now the one taking care of me.
Do you remember the first time you met Barney? You had just graduated boot camp and were home for Christmas. Barney rolled up in the MG with the top down and you were wearing a tank top, board shorts, and drinking a Shiner - Merry Christmas in Louisiana right!?
Do you remember your first birthday (of course you don't!)? Well, I do (barely)! Your party was 101 Dalmation themed and that was the day I learned that red icing and black icing have way too much dye in them and taste funny. And by funny, I mean terrible. I remember thinking how cute and chunky you were - so cute and chunky that you didn't need cake and you should give it to me. The whole cake.
Do you remember the first letter I wrote you while you were at Parris Island? I told you all about what I was studying & sent you pictures (some of us as kids and then a bunch of Barney). I wrote like 4 pages front and back & did almost every week you were there. I loved writing to you and loved it even more when you wrote back.
Do you remember the first time we met? I thought you were so cool - my own live action baby doll! Then I realized I was no longer the baby of the family - but I was okay with it (mostly). I held you so gently and calmly - I felt like I had been given the greatest honor in the world and I never wanted to give you back.
Do you remember the first time I told you how proud I was of you? No? Really? Good, I don't remember it either. I think that's because I said it so many times that it's hard to remember when I first said it...
And I'll say it again and again and again, I am so incredibly proud of you & I always will be.
Knowing you, calling you my baby cousin and my friend, still feels like the greatest honor in the world - and I never want to give you back.
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