"I Want to Do Something with My Life..."

Easter Sunrise Service – April 20^th, 2014

Rev. Erin Taylor

“I Want to Do Something with My Life…”

I want to do something with my life… I want to branch out. My great great grandfather… he got turned into a large boat. He drifted around for a long time with this family that had a TON of pets. People still talk about him. My great uncle… he got turned into some type of stick that had magical powers. Supposedly he could turn water into blood and part seas… It may be just a rumor but nevertheless, that’s a pretty a cool way to be remembered. I also have a cousin who turned into a ladder and I heard that some guy named Jacob dreamt about him. I personally don’t think that a ladder is THAT big of a deal, but people are still talking about it so I guess it was an important ladder. And as for me… I want to make something of myself. I want to make a difference. I want to be remembered.

Well, it’s been a few years since and I still haven’t decided what my purpose is. My leaves are small and barely provide shade. I’m tall and lanky with hardly enough of a trunk to do anything meaningful. My neighbors keep saying my branches will thicken up and I’ll grow into something strong, the strongest tree in the world they say! I’m not so sure about that, but I hope they’re right.

My neighbors were full of it. I waited and waited and waited but still got NOTHING. My branches are STILL lanky. My leaves are STILL sparse. As for my trunk, it’s still too narrow to be used for anything significant. My family keeps saying not to give up but I can’t help it. I don’t want to let them down! I WANT TO DO SOMETHING… I WANT TO DO SOMETHING GREAT! I WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF! WILL I EVER FIND MY PURPOSE?!?!

Enough about me – there is something interesting going on but I can’t quite put a leaf on it. I keep hearing people talking in the woods. I’m not sure what’s going on but there is a lot of chaos going on in the neighboring cities. Somebody is causing some trouble. My little cousin from Jericho told me that this tiny man climbed him the other day but the tiny man was only hiding in him for a little while. Shortly after some guy with sandals and a gentle smile invited himself over for dinner. I personally thought that was a little… bold… but my cousin said the tiny man was very excited. Maybe the little man is up to something. I don’t know who the dinner guest was, but he must have been really important… I wonder what is going on…

Something is happening to me. I didn’t think I could get much thinner but apparently I can! I seem to have lost weight…. And… and… WHAT ARE ALL THESE LEAVES DOING ON THE GROUND!?!  AM I BALDING?! OH NO! I’m having a midlife crisis! I’m not ready for this! I’m too young! I don’t even have sap yet! I still haven’t found my purpose! I had so many hopes! I could have become a table! A table so beautiful that people would not want to eat on me out of fear of disturbing my naturally highlighted grain! I know I couldn’t have been a boat like my great great grandfather, but I could have been a paddle! A paddle so strong that I could have fought any current! Had I been a paddle, maybe, just maybe I could have even witnessed that sandaled, gentle smiled man walk on water! I thought I had so much time left! Now I’ll never have a purpose! I’M NOT READY GOD! NOT YET!

Things have changed. I am now completely bald. I have a splitting pain in my side and seem to have been moved in my sleep. My neighbors are all gone. I’m not even standing. I’m lying in the dirt with sand in places I didn’t even know existed. And the outside… the outside feels weird. It’s not really cold, but it feels cold. And I know it’s nighttime, but it’s really dark. I mean DARK. So much darker than normal. I have a bad a feeling about this. My stomach is in knots. Literally. Knots. I’m feeling scared, very, very scared.

Things have changed AGAIN. I’m no longer lying on the ground. I’m being dragged across town. There is something familiar about the man dragging me on his back but I can’t quite figure out what it is. At first I was excited and thought we were embarking on a new adventure together but as we move further into town, I realize that this is certainly a journey – but it’s not an adventure. We are being yelled at. We are being called names. We are having things thrown at us. Some are cheering, some are crying. I don’t understand what I did wrong to deserve this! All I wanted was to be important… to find my purpose… to make a difference… and instead I find myself on a parade of shame and ridicule. This man carrying me – they are yelling such obscene things but at the same time they keep calling him “King”… “King of the Jews” I think is what they’re saying… but if he is a king why is he being treated like this?  

I just caught a glimpse of his face and there was something about his eyes… When he looked at me, I felt comforted though I can’t explain why. I can see the pain in his eyes but there is also something so peaceful about him… something so… gentle… gentle? Wait. Could this be…?!? Is this him!?! Is this the man my little cousin told me about?? Is this the dinner guest...? The one who walked on water…? Is he… the King of the Jews…? Everything I’ve heard about him was spoken with such love... what changed? I feel like he is getting weaker. Why won’t they let him take a break? Can’t they see his pain?! More of me is dragging on the ground and I notice cuts in his back. I notice fear in the eyes of some – mostly a small group of women… I think one must be his mother because she is pursuing him with only the love a parent could endure. How is she able to do this? Isn’t her heart breaking?

We’ve hit a stopping point. And the man who was carrying me… this gentle smiled man with the loving eyes… Something just isn’t right. He’s screaming in pain. I see nails… and a ring of thorns… and there is a sign resting by him but I’m not sure what it even says although the men making it seem to think something is funny. Is this a sick joke? I’m so confused. I don’t know what has happened. I don’t know where I am… all I know is that there are two other trees at my side and I think, THINK they were formed into some type of post with another horizontal bar… Is that what I look like too? It’s really hard to tell though because there are people on them… people… hanging… on… them. WAIT. I know what this. I know what they’re doing. Surely I’m wrong. I HAVE to be wrong. I don’t want to be right, GOD TELL ME I’M WRONG! TELL ME THIS ISN’T HAPPENING! MY PURPOSE IS NOT TO HANG CRIMINALS MUCH LESS A KING! NO GOD! NO! I WON’T STAND FOR THIS! I COULD HAVE BEEN A BOAT! A LADDER! A TABLE! AN OAR! I COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING BUT THIS IS WHAT YOU CHOSE ME FOR!? WHY GOD?! WHY ME!?! THIS ISN’T MY PURPOSE! I DON’T WANT TO BE REMEMBERED FOR THIS! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THIS MAN! I DON’T WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH HARMING HIM! IF ANYTHING, JUST LET ME GIVE HIM A PLACE TO REST HIS BACK. LET ME SUPPORT HIM AS HE SUPPORTED ME ON THAT LONG DIRTY ROAD! PLEASE GOD! PLEASE! WHY IS IT GETTING SO DARK? IT’S ONLY NOON! GOD! GOD? CAN YOU EVEN HEAR ME!? WHERE ARE YOU GOD?

It’s still dark. It’s been dark all day. And it’s cold. It’s so cold. The last few hours have been a blur. I don’t know what has happened. I don’t know where everyone went. All I know is this gentle smiled man is no longer here. I tried my best to support him but then his body was moved down the hill. It was wrapped lovingly in linen and laid to rest in a proper burial spot instead of left hanging on me… hanging like a criminal. This man was not a criminal. He was king.

I have three piercing wounds and I’m not sure how they got there. I have been waiting and waiting to find out why God chose ME for THIS. I didn’t want to hurt him, I swear I didn’t... He was a king… he was a friend… he was somebody’s son… I didn’t want to hurt him. God, I know you must have a reason for doing this. I just wish I understood why. I wish I could understand why this man’s life ended in such a gruesome death. He seemed to have such good things to say. He welcomed people who had nowhere to go. He wanted the temple to be used to worship You, God. He fed those who were hungry, and he tore down barriers that the Empire had created to separate the rich people and the poor people. He even healed people that no one else would even give the time of day! He… he wanted to make a difference… Just like me. He wanted to be remembered. Was he really a king? He was so humble… Did he even do anything wrong? He didn’t seem like a thief… His eyes – his smile – they were so gentle. And now… now he is just sitting in a tomb. Surely this isn’t what was supposed to happen. SURELY there’s more to the story. SURELY it doesn’t end in death! It can’t end like this! I must be missing something. My cousin – the one from Jericho – he was telling me about this man… not the one who climbed him, but the dinner guest. After he invited himself over for dinner, the town’s people grumbled and said that he was befriending a sinner… but the gentle man spoke up and said he had come to seek out and save the lost. The town’s people looked at him differently after that. They didn’t ridicule this little, tree climbing man anymore. I wish more people could have met the gentle man. So many are lost and now they won’t even hear his story. I don’t even know his name. I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.

It’s been a few days. I’m not sure how many. I’m lost track. Three or so maybe? What I do know is that the darkness has started to fade. The sun has finally risen. There also seems to be some commotion down the hill. Something about a stone moving… I’m not quite sure… They’re talking about the weather for some odd reason. All I hear is, “The Son has risen! The Son has risen!” Well of course the sun has risen – that’s what generally happens in the morning but I don’t care about the weather! I want to know what’s happening down there! I NEED to know what’s happening down the hill! There isn’t the same panic or hurt that I’d seen the last few days though… They’re crying but these tears seem to be different. The guards are confused but the women seem to be really excited. I guess they were tired of the darkness and ready for the sun to rise… There has to be something else going on… I see them looking at the stone and then pointing towards the Galilee. God, what is happening?!

I can’t hear much but there is something about “seeking” and lost”… The one who came to seek the lost, maybe? Seek the lost… like my cousin from Jericho told me… He came to seek out and save the lost! If that’s the case, then why did he die? Why did his story have to end in death? What could the people down there possibly have to celebrate? The man they loved, the man they followed, the man they wept for… he’s gone. His story has ended. Hasn’t it? Is there more to his story that I’m missing? There’s something they must know that I don’t… There HAS to be! WAIT. COULD IT BE?! Surely not… Is that what they meant by ‘King of the Jews’? Was this man your Son?? God?? Was he the one we have been waiting for? I thought he was supposed to do something big! I KNOW there must be more to the story!

Just like me… there must be more to my story. Surely this wasn’t my purpose? I haven’t done anything to help people. I haven’t made a difference. I could have done something. I wish I could have changed lives. I wish I could have brought hope to people. I wanted to be remembered for triumph, not death! I wanted to help that man, I wanted to be a part of his life! I wanted to share his story! But now… now I’m just an empty tree sitting on a hill. 

The last few days have been so confusing. I don’t think I’ll ever understand what happened to me or why God chose me for THIS job. I could have been a boat… I could have been a ladder… I could have been a table… My neighbors told me I could be the strongest tree in the world! But instead, I am just an empty cross. I don’t even know if I have a story to tell or if I’ve made a difference. I don’t even know if I look the same… I don’t think my family will even recognize me. They won’t understand the things I’ve seen. I feel like I’ve been changed forever and there’s no going back… I’m not sure why there is so much chaos down the hill… And I’m not sure why that giant stone is out of place… And I’m not sure why those guards are dumbfounded but the women are rejoicing… But I do know these three things… It’s not so dark anymore… And it’s not so cold… And I know that the sun has risen. The Son has risen indeed.