(Disclaimer: I recognize that the following post will be unsettling for many of my friends and family. I'm not apologizing for it, just acknowledging it.)
I was born on Martin Luther King Jr. Day in 1989. This should have been a warning to my parents that I would continue to work for the same values that an amazing pastor once worked to establish a few years prior to my birth.
Growing up in South Louisiana, meeting someone who was (openly) LGBTQ was not common. The first person I met who was gay was the uncle of one of my closest friends. As I got to know him, I began to see why he was SO different than me. It's because he was a redhead. I had always been a brunette and I could not grasp the concept of someone being a redhead (to be fair, he was a little bit more of a strawberry blond than a redhead...). I decided, however, that his hair color didn't make a difference for me and I chose to respect him and befriend him... At least up until I found out THE TRUTH! The truth, you ask, is that he thought my first name was comical. He literally laughed in my friend's face when she told him the reason I wanted to name the stuffed platypus from Six Flags Penelope was because that was my first name. He must have thought she was joking and there's no way my parents would name me that, but alas, it was not a joke. We managed to work through that difficult moment in our relationship and it made us both stronger.
Fast forward to early 2008. It's our freshman year of college. I am at TCU and she is back at school in Louisiana. Just a few days before Valentine's day, I got a call from her that her "uncle" was suddenly admitted to ICU and not projected to make it through the night. I made arrangements with my professors and drove down just in time to make the visitation. Thankfully she made it home in time to spend a few final moments with him before he slipped away into eternal peace. The funeral was on Valentine's Day. It was one of the most beautiful, heartfelt, and joyful ceremonies I have ever attended. There was no doubt that he was deeply loved and loved others in the same way.
You may be asking why I have quotes around the word "uncle" above. I have quotes because the man of whom I just spoke was not her biological uncle - he was the partner of her (biological) uncle. They had been together for a while, about 10 years or a little more I think, and he loved her and her siblings as if there was no barrier. My friend didn't have the best home life necessarily. Her parents (who were male-female and legally married) did not give her and her siblings the love, protection, attention, and resources that they truly deserved so that they could become the best possible versions of themselves. Instead, my friend found this parental love through her grandmother and her uncles. Yes, UNCLES. While they may have not had a legal document certifying their relationship as a marriage, they embodied the values that we typically consider to be important in a marriage -- a deep love for one another, investment in the other's hopes and dream, compassion for their extended families and loving their in-laws (no matter how charging of a task that may be), and living each day not for themselves, but for the person with whom their soul sang for and dare I say, who God created for them to share eternal joy. There was no paper, but there was love. Her "uncle" embraced her as his very own niece and loved her deeply and without reservation. He encouraged her in her dreams, comforted her in times of grief, and provided for her in times of need. He didn't need a paper, he had love.
As I watched my friend and her family grieve the loss of this man, there was no doubt that he was her uncle.
If it made you cringe a little to see quotes around the word "uncle", then good. The quotes shouldn't have to be there. But until things like Prop 8 and DOMA are repealed, they will ALWAYS be there -- whether we choose to acknowledge them or not.
It is because of this man, and so many others, that I am in support of same-sex marriage. I have heard every possible argument as to "why not" but I present you with an argument of WHY. No child should ever have to put quotes around a loved one -- an "uncle", an "aunt", a "mother", a "father." In the eyes of family and in the eyes of love, we can remove those quotes and allow children to simply view their loved ones as uncle, aunt, mother, father... There should not be a law dictating whether or not a group of people or a person is family or "family."
I have heard every argument as to why the Bible "forbids" gay marriage or homosexuality in general and to that I say get the crawfish out of our mouth, the mixed fibers off your back, and go read the original Greek or Hebrew and tell me what you find about the exact word 'homosexual.' Once you have completed that list, come back and tell me what you've come up with.
I am proud to come from a denominational heritage that has taught me that love is the greatest commandment, not judgment. Being a Christian calls us into responsibility, responsibility to live like Jesus who spent his time with the marginalized and rejected folk of his society. He broke down barriers between people and challenged us to love all people as God has first loved us. He asked us to rethink what we have always known or thought about community and what that entails. He challenged us to grow, to serve, to love, to reconcile, to heal, and to search. He taught us to go beyond our comfort zone and love those who need it most. As a Christian and as a minister, I am embarrassed by the hateful things I read and hear every day. The Gospel is a tool to guide us in love, not a weapon to promote hate.
At this time, our LGBTQ brothers and sisters need our love and our reconciliation. Whether or not we personally believe in same-sex marriage, it is time to stop denying 1138 rights to devoted and loving couples who are just asking for the same rights that many heterosexual couples take for granted and are possibly even oblivious of even having in the first place. I am thankful for those who have embraced their own voice, their own identity, their own God given identity as first and foremost, a child of God, who is loved and has been commanded to love. I pray that each of us will grab hold of our own voice and use it to speak for those who have been silenced.
No more "uncles", just uncles. No more "family", just family. No more "marriage", just marriage.
I was born on Martin Luther King Jr. Day in 1989. This should have been a warning to my parents that I would continue to work for the same values that an amazing pastor once worked to establish a few years prior to my birth.
Growing up in South Louisiana, meeting someone who was (openly) LGBTQ was not common. The first person I met who was gay was the uncle of one of my closest friends. As I got to know him, I began to see why he was SO different than me. It's because he was a redhead. I had always been a brunette and I could not grasp the concept of someone being a redhead (to be fair, he was a little bit more of a strawberry blond than a redhead...). I decided, however, that his hair color didn't make a difference for me and I chose to respect him and befriend him... At least up until I found out THE TRUTH! The truth, you ask, is that he thought my first name was comical. He literally laughed in my friend's face when she told him the reason I wanted to name the stuffed platypus from Six Flags Penelope was because that was my first name. He must have thought she was joking and there's no way my parents would name me that, but alas, it was not a joke. We managed to work through that difficult moment in our relationship and it made us both stronger.
Fast forward to early 2008. It's our freshman year of college. I am at TCU and she is back at school in Louisiana. Just a few days before Valentine's day, I got a call from her that her "uncle" was suddenly admitted to ICU and not projected to make it through the night. I made arrangements with my professors and drove down just in time to make the visitation. Thankfully she made it home in time to spend a few final moments with him before he slipped away into eternal peace. The funeral was on Valentine's Day. It was one of the most beautiful, heartfelt, and joyful ceremonies I have ever attended. There was no doubt that he was deeply loved and loved others in the same way.
You may be asking why I have quotes around the word "uncle" above. I have quotes because the man of whom I just spoke was not her biological uncle - he was the partner of her (biological) uncle. They had been together for a while, about 10 years or a little more I think, and he loved her and her siblings as if there was no barrier. My friend didn't have the best home life necessarily. Her parents (who were male-female and legally married) did not give her and her siblings the love, protection, attention, and resources that they truly deserved so that they could become the best possible versions of themselves. Instead, my friend found this parental love through her grandmother and her uncles. Yes, UNCLES. While they may have not had a legal document certifying their relationship as a marriage, they embodied the values that we typically consider to be important in a marriage -- a deep love for one another, investment in the other's hopes and dream, compassion for their extended families and loving their in-laws (no matter how charging of a task that may be), and living each day not for themselves, but for the person with whom their soul sang for and dare I say, who God created for them to share eternal joy. There was no paper, but there was love. Her "uncle" embraced her as his very own niece and loved her deeply and without reservation. He encouraged her in her dreams, comforted her in times of grief, and provided for her in times of need. He didn't need a paper, he had love.
As I watched my friend and her family grieve the loss of this man, there was no doubt that he was her uncle.
If it made you cringe a little to see quotes around the word "uncle", then good. The quotes shouldn't have to be there. But until things like Prop 8 and DOMA are repealed, they will ALWAYS be there -- whether we choose to acknowledge them or not.
It is because of this man, and so many others, that I am in support of same-sex marriage. I have heard every possible argument as to "why not" but I present you with an argument of WHY. No child should ever have to put quotes around a loved one -- an "uncle", an "aunt", a "mother", a "father." In the eyes of family and in the eyes of love, we can remove those quotes and allow children to simply view their loved ones as uncle, aunt, mother, father... There should not be a law dictating whether or not a group of people or a person is family or "family."
I have heard every argument as to why the Bible "forbids" gay marriage or homosexuality in general and to that I say get the crawfish out of our mouth, the mixed fibers off your back, and go read the original Greek or Hebrew and tell me what you find about the exact word 'homosexual.' Once you have completed that list, come back and tell me what you've come up with.
I am proud to come from a denominational heritage that has taught me that love is the greatest commandment, not judgment. Being a Christian calls us into responsibility, responsibility to live like Jesus who spent his time with the marginalized and rejected folk of his society. He broke down barriers between people and challenged us to love all people as God has first loved us. He asked us to rethink what we have always known or thought about community and what that entails. He challenged us to grow, to serve, to love, to reconcile, to heal, and to search. He taught us to go beyond our comfort zone and love those who need it most. As a Christian and as a minister, I am embarrassed by the hateful things I read and hear every day. The Gospel is a tool to guide us in love, not a weapon to promote hate.
At this time, our LGBTQ brothers and sisters need our love and our reconciliation. Whether or not we personally believe in same-sex marriage, it is time to stop denying 1138 rights to devoted and loving couples who are just asking for the same rights that many heterosexual couples take for granted and are possibly even oblivious of even having in the first place. I am thankful for those who have embraced their own voice, their own identity, their own God given identity as first and foremost, a child of God, who is loved and has been commanded to love. I pray that each of us will grab hold of our own voice and use it to speak for those who have been silenced.
No more "uncles", just uncles. No more "family", just family. No more "marriage", just marriage.
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